Saturday, May 27, 2006

Bunker Man

Yesterday, when I was out for a walk with my girlfriend - we walked past a man digging a hole in a field with a tractor. On the way back, we had to stand aside so the tractor man (apparently having finished digging his hole for the day) could drive his tractor past us on the narrow lane. However, when the tractor reached us, the door swung open and he started to talk to us, or rather my girlfriend. I don't think he fancied me much. Anyway, he started telling us how he worked for contractors who had dug bunkers for the Ministry of Defence in Scotland. He had worked on bunkers in the Western Isles, he said, that were for equipment used for 'keeping an eye on the Russians' he said. Then he told us that he had helped build a bunker or Gruinard Island.

I know Gruinard Island as the 'Anthrax Island'. Many years ago, when I was a boy, I stayed at a campsite on a beach that looked out to Gruinard Island. We could see the 'MOD - Keep Off' signs and wondered at the horror that would ensue if someone went over and came back infected with the deadly disease...

We forgot to ask Bunker Man what he was digging a hole for - in a field near our house.

Monday, May 15, 2006

Doorstep botherer

I have just had youth round my house demanding that I pay a three pound fine for not having a Betterware catalogue! She said that her boss said that she should fine me. I told her that she should send her boss round - thinking that would be the end of it.

After I closed the door, I wished I had asked to see some identification - then try and ascertain how many OAPs she had been trying to pull this one on. I thought I could have turned on my MP3 player and recorded the conversation...

Anyway, a little while later, there was another knock at the door. Somehow, even though the cheek of it was beyond comprehension, I knew it was going to be her . I grabbed my MP3 player and fumbled with it to switch it on - but I realized that five or ten seconds it would take to boot up was far longer than I could be bothered to wait. I answered the door.

She said ' I've had a word with my boss and he says he'll let you off this time - but if I come round again and you don't have your catalogue - then I will fine you three pounds.' She said, ' Would you like a catalogue?'

I said 'No thanks.' and closed the door.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

The music in my head goes round and round

Like a lot of people, I sometimes get a tune in my head which I just can't get rid of. I can get 'infected' by just about any catchy tune - but there is one little bit of music that keeps coming back again and again. It's not like its even music with a name - not that I know of anyway. It is, however, from a film. It's from 'Midnight Cowboy' it is the jingle from the Florida orange juice advert that plays on Joe Buck's radio while Joe and Ratso dance around their freezing squat trying to get warm. As I remember it, the music carries on as the film melts into Ratso and Joe's fantasy of living the high life on a beautiful hot day, beside a swimming pool, surrounded by voluptuous women.